I had a unique retired principal’s weekend with an old girl’s wedding on Saturday and another’s memorial service on Sunday.
Any experienced principal knows that it’s not an ordinary life. You are the go-to leader in both the good times and the crisis times in the lives of many hundreds of families.
Even as a new principal you realise soon enough that you become a parental figure to children who live without their parents. As a male principal, and initially the only male on a big girls’ school staff, you are a father figure to many. Your role as a school leader requires you to demonstrate leadership, responsibility and integrity.
Obviously, you are not the parent so there are definite professional boundaries, but if, like me, you were the principal of the same school for decades, you can retain that link with past students, some now in their fifties. That continued contact in our connected times is a source of sincere interest, fulfilment and inspiration in my life. You may see this as unnecessary, maybe even weird, but it’s me; and I’m trying to share that part of principalship that we all share that’s far from ordinary.
It’s not ordinary to deal with family tragedy, but principals are often called upon to take the lead, to comfort and to guide, to facilitate support, to speak at funerals and to follow up on children for years to come. Principals bring a calmness and authority to difficult situations which have a devastating impact on young lives.
My experience as a Principals Academy mentor, these last six or seven years, is that of principals who see themselves as guardians of their school and its people, and, in many cases, as respected and effective community leaders. I remember how many of them followed the WCED’s lone call to bravely lead lockdown nutrition at their schools.
Let me tell you about my Saturday.
Gaby, a young, chartered accountant, one of my past students and the daughter of a close family friend chose a much older fiancé and together they faced a series of serious complications. They wanted a wedding that acknowledged that reality and reflected their dreams and desires. Who better to navigate the complexity of their relationship than your school principal who has known and respected you for many years. I’m 73, literally past it, and I was not keen, but no-one can say no to Gaby.
Being a principal also means having a grandstand seat, not only at weddings and graduations, but sharing in the pride of our learners’ many achievements and accomplishments.
Sunday was different.
I had known Crystal Donna Roberts (40), who died of breast cancer earlier this month, since she came to Gr 8 in 1998. Her memorial service was in the Opera House at Artscape and was hosted and attended by the film industry. Crystal was a radiant personality, an inner and outer beauty, a humble, vibrant spirit whose laughter was always kind and contagious. She was in over 800 episodes of Arendsvlei on KykNet and in many plays and films including Krotoa in which she played the titular role and won the 2017 SAFTA Best Actress Award and an invitation to the Cannes Festival.
I loved her candour. ‘My breasts were sick. They had to go; I could handle that. But my hair!’ If you are watching the audio version of this letter you will understand how central her hair was to her dramatic persona.
Excuse me sharing these personal stories with you, but they dominated my weekend even ten years after retiring as a principal. Once a principal; always available for use and abuse.
How many funerals of teachers, parents, learners have you attended? How many memorials have you organised at school and how many eulogies have you presented? In South Africa, it’s in a principal’s job description; as is dealing with the police, the neighbourhood watch, the construction mafia, the gang leaders and now, it seems, the protection networks, too. It is not an ordinary life.
When I look back at disciplinary issues in a busy boarding school, I could write a bestseller. You can, too. Trouble is, they might be banned!
A necessity to get you through each extraordinary week is the comforting presence and listening ear of a spouse or soulmate, although so much of what we experience is confidential. Being able to offload in the company of a trusted coach or mentor, usually an ex- or colleague-principal who has also seen it all, helps one to alleviate the stress that punctuates every week.
Being a principal has had a profound impact on my life. It’s a role that extends far beyond the confines of that big fence, a role that requires patience, empathy and understanding, but one that weaves itself into the very fabric of the community one serves. I know you long for an ordinary life, but principalship has given you much purpose, meaning and joy. Thank you for being extraordinary.
Paul
Coach/Mentor
The Principals Academy Trust
No: 05/25
26 March 2025
Video/Audio Links
English Newsletter: https://youtu.be/cou_Fwu_GxY
Afrikaans Newsletter: https://youtu.be/tASTpQecU2k